): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I understand Curling. That high.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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