i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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