So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
