I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
