If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
