he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
