My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
