I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Be still, my beating vagina.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
