how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
