"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
