I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
