you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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