The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
