It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
