And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
