Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
