After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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