I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
