I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
