I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
