His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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