Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
