I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
