Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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