This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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