I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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