the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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