Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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