I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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