**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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