well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
