he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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