I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
