does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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