I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
