I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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