Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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