Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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