Having a random hookup so left but love u
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
