you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
