You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
