good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
