drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
