How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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