I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
ugly people sure do ruin things
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
