I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
we're making bets on your personal life
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
