I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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