Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
