Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
