Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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